![]() ![]() Hard Limits (or Off Limits) are those things that a person will not do under any circumstances. You don’t need to sit down and draft out some kind of written agreement on limits, but everyone has the right to refuse to consent to anything, and stating that something is a limit is basically a shorthand way of refusing that consent upfront. Limits and consent are basically the same thing. It doesn’t matter whether you’re communicating with negotiated safe words, normal conversation, body language or telepathy, if you trust that communication is effective and you are safe with your partner, then there is responsibility and consent. They always feel safe, and the reason for that is that they trust that there is communication and it is being respected. You never hear CNC people saying “I feel totally unsafe with my partner and that’s hot”. Nearly always, what they’re really saying is that they have total trust in their partner and over time they’ve built up a kind of telepathic awareness in the relationship, so verbal communication isn’t as necessary anymore. ![]() In Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) groups you’ll hear people bragging about how they have no limits and no power, because they have given it all to their Dom. A bottom can’t say “just go ahead and do whatever you want, and I’ll let you know later if you went too far, when I call the cops”, and a Top can’t say “once we start there’s nothing you can say to stop Me, and I’ll go as far as I want”. LET’S TALK ABOUT CONSENTĬonsent flows both ways and both parties have to retain both responsibility and consent. Restraints combinations (wrists to waist, etc.Should I put my red flag away now? You will hear “I wanna push your limits” from some Dom at some stage, so I think it’s worthwhile talking about what that really means. ![]() Love: means that the activity figures among the sub’s favorites. Like: means that the sub likes the activity at least on an occasional basis. Okay: means that the sub has no problem with the activity but it has no special appeal to her. Desire: means that the sub has little or no experience with the activity but greatly wants to try it. Curious: means that the sub have no (or very little) experience with the activity but that she find the idea interesting. Hmm…: means that the sub has no (or very little) experience with the activity and that she is not really curious about it either. Dislike: means that the sub don’t like the activity but would not object if ordered to. ![]() Those can be due to either a VERY strong dislike, fear or disdain for that activity in general but that it is not impossible to negotiate them under some special circumstances. Soft limit: means that the sub has great reticences towards that activity. Limit: means that the activity is a hard limit and that the sub will NEVER do that activity under any circumstances ever. The Almost Perfect Male Dom/Female Sub Checklist! So it?s nice to use them to discuss or negotiate certain activities but perhaps not-so-good to rely on them only. * Last: Note that has much has I recommend using lists, especially for beginners, they are only a tool and don?t replace good communication. I guess I could perhaps try to make a more general one some day but I?m not quite sure when I?ll find the time so I make no promise here When I started to write it, it was only for my persona use and I never thought of posting it anywhere until now. But I guess anyone can arrange that to their liking as wellĪlso, like the title says, this list is for male doms/female subs? So I?m very sorry if this doesn?t apply to everyone. I have also arrange the ?willingness scale? Instead of using numbers from 0 to 5 like many other lists do I put a one-word answer choice. It is still not quite as ?perfect? as it could have been? and this is one of the reason I think it could be a good idea to post it here: If anyone can spot something I may have missed just let me know and I could still edit the post and add it to the original list ^-^ After my reply to freakxxx in the Training Your Sub thread someone convinced me to post here that checklist I made up a few months ago? I never found a list that seemed complete enough before so with the help of four different checklists found on the web plus another comprehensive list of fetishes I came up with my own. ![]()
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